Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Party Pants, or Arrested for Being Half-assed

Manatee sheriff: Man says cocaine in his buttocks isn’t his

By PARADISE AFSHAR - pafshar@bradenton.com






MANATEE — A search of a 25-year-old man following a traffic stop Wednesday morning revealed one bag of marijuana and one bag of cocaine in the driver’s buttocks, according to the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office. The driver said only the marijuana belonged to him.
Raymond Stanley Roberts was pulled over at 8:40 a.m. in the 500 block of 63rd Avenue East. Approaching the Hyundai, deputies said they could smell a strong odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle, according to the report.
After writing a speeding ticket, one of the deputies asked Roberts if he smoked marijuana and when had he done it last. According to the arrest report, Roberts replied that he smoked the night before and there was nothing in the car. He then told the two deputies to search the car.
While searching Roberts’ person, deputies felt a soft object in his buttocks. The report said Roberts then said, “Let me get it,” and pulled out a clear plastic bag of marijuana weighing 4.5 grams.
He was then asked if he was holding anything else, and Roberts said no.
Deputies then felt another soft object in the same area and pulled it out through the exterior of Roberts’ shorts. The object was a bag with 27 pieces of rock cocaine weighing 3.5 grams, the report stated.
When the bag fell to the ground, Roberts immediately said, according to the report, “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is.” He then stated that his friend had borrowed the vehicle before and he saw the cocaine on the passenger seat when he was pulled over.
Roberts has been charged with possession of rock cocaine and marijuana. He was released Wednesday from Manatee County jail after posting a $1,120 bond.

Oh, damn, I’m pulled over again
What have I done? What is my sin?
Raymond Roberts, pulled over by a cop
Who soon approached and promptly smelled pot

A Manatee County speeding ticket’s not cheap
That’s not the least of what Roberts is about to reap
Deputies found two bags in his butt
He was all, like, hey there, say what?

The one with marijuana, well that one I claim
Someone else is responsible for the rock cocaine
It was just sitting there when I got stopped
It was just my butt from which it dropped

I guess it doesn’t matter how it got there
Deputies are rarely ones to care
They aren’t going to wonder nor shall they question
They will simply arrest you for possession

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